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Planning a bar/ bat mitzvah: a survival guide for
parents
By Audrey Jacobs
San Diego Jewish Press-Heritage, January 10, 2003
If you have attended a bar or bat mitzvah recently and have children under 13,
you may be thinking, "How am I going to plan a party like that?" But,
if
you get informed and organized, you can plan a great party and survive the
process.
What kind of party?
Unlike the bar/bat mitzvah ceremony itself, the party is not governed by any
rules or a specific order. To start the planning process, first ask yourself
what kind of party you want: big and lavish or small and intimate? You should
consider the feeling you want your guests to have when they
leave. For example, do you want them to think, "Wow they must have spent a
fortune"; "Wow, the kids had a great time!" or "What a
lovely, meaningful
party"?
Do you need a theme?
A bar/bat mitzvah marks your childıs entry into full participation in Jewish
life. The essence of bar/bat mitzvah itself is a beautiful theme that can
spark creative ideas rooted in tradition, such as tzedakah-themed centerpieces,
which you can combine with your child's interests. For example, one bat mitzvah
girl loved animals and wanted an animal theme for her bat mitzvah party. So she
created centerpieces of pet toys, food and accessories, which the family donated
to the Helen Woodward Animal Center. "If youıre having a party based on a
religious experience, it should be a religious party and should reflect what the
child is claiming to be," said Rabbi Avram Bogopulsky of Beth Jacob
Congregation.
Involve your child
Although he or she may be overwhelmed with studying, ask your son or daughter
for input during the planning process. Typical of teenagers, they may say they
don't care, but every time you make decisions about the invitation, location,
food or entertainment, ask them what they think. Despite the predictable
squabbles, just smile and remember theyıll have the same disagreements with
their future spouses over planning their weddings.
Get help!
Once you decide on the type of party, don't panic. Get help. Consult experienced
friends, read books and search the Internet. Also, most caterers
or party rental companies can help you plan and manage the party. If you're
totally terrorized, hire a professional event planner. It may be worth the
peace of mind.
Where do you find these resources?
Books: For books, try The Bar/Bat Mitzvah Survival Guide by Randi
Reisfeld. It gives you information about what needs to get done and how. It
includes budget ideas, timelines and how to make the day less of a party and
more of a celebration of something meaningful. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah Planbook by
Jane Lewit is another comprehensive guide to planning a meaningful religious
event with practical information. For a few laughs and to save a few bucks, try How
to Survive and Profit from Your Sonıs Bar Mitzvah or Other Significant Event
Where You Are Expected to Pay the Bill by Marvin Shapiro.
Web sites and software: San Diego has its own bar/bat mitzvah planning Website
at http://www.besasandiego.com, which
features many of our local
vendors. Two general sites with lots of great advice are Bar Mitzvah Party
Planning at http://www.barmitzvahs.org/partyplanning.php
and
http://www.party411.com/bar-batmitzvah.html.
On line, you can buy items like flowers or kipot from www.shopinisrael.com
(a great way to support Israel) and from www.barmitzvahfindit.com.
There's even software with already-made budgets, lists and guest-list tracking
called B'nai Mitzvah for Windows, located at www.castlecomputer.com/bnai.htm,
or My Bar/Bat Mitzvah Companion at http://www.fivestarsoftware.com/mitzvah.
Professional event planners: Even if you're well-organized, you can still
benefit from hiring a professional event planner. They know all the vendors,
can get you discounts, have lots of creative ideas and, most importantly, allow
you to enjoy the big day with someone else worrying about the
logistics. Expect to pay around $2,000 for their time. Either pay a flat fee or
pay hourly, but do not pay a percentage of the total bill, or they have
no incentive to save you money. Also, ask planners if they charge the vendors a
"referral fee" and if you pay that.
"Event planners truly save you time, money and stress," says Sherrill
Kinsler, owner of Behind the Scenes Events Co. at www.behindthescenesevents.com.
"You make all the decisions without doing all the work. They can even limit
your liability by contracting with the
vendors." Most importantly, select an experienced planner who is familiar
with bar/bat mitzvahs and has good references. Experience can help you avoid
costly mistakes.
If you don't want a complete event planner but would like some help, select an
experienced bar/bat mitzvah party rental company. For no extra cost, they
will help you plan the event, refer you to all the vendors and help you
coordinate them.
"Come to us with a vision you want us to create and a budget to pay for it
and weıll make it happen," says Philip Silverman, an a